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Grief After the Death of a Child

What should grieving families expect?

Nothing is more devastating than the death of a child. Families wonder how they will survive the loss.

Parents never stop thinking about or missing their child. But grief changes over time. Parents say that the intense, raw grief of the early days gives way to emotions that are easier to manage. But each person's grief is different. 

Grief does not follow a predictable course or pattern. One day may feel like progress. The next day the simplest tasks might be too much. Other times family members are surprised and may even feel a bit guilty when they are able to laugh again. These feelings and responses are normal.

Feelings of grief

Grief is a normal response to losing a loved one. Everyone grieves differently, for different lengths of time, and with different intensity. There is no standard set of emotions after the loss of a child.

Some common feelings and responses include:

  • Shock
  • Sadness
  • Fear
  • Anger
  • Guilt
  • Regret
  • Loneliness
  • Anxiety or ongoing worries
  • Despair
  • Hopelessness
  • Less desire to spend time with others
  • Repeated thoughts, mental images, and memories of the child
  • Longing for more time with the child and yearning for lost time
  • Having trouble falling or staying asleep
  • Sleeping more than usual
  • Changes in appetite
  • Less interest in enjoyable activities
  • Trouble concentrating
  • Impaired decision-making

Everyone grieves. But people react to grief in their own ways. Spouses may have very different reactions, needs, and coping styles. Children and teens follow their own grief paths as well. Those may range from crying and sadness to misbehavior and even guilt. These are all normal feelings.

Connecting Through Grief podcast

Connecting Through Grief When a Child Dies is a podcast created by parents at St. Jude who have experienced the death of a child. Each episode focuses on a different aspect of grief.

Visit the podcast page.

Know when to seek help

Mental health professionals, including psychologists, counselors, and social workers, can be an important source of help during grief. Seeking help does not mean there is anything wrong with how a person is grieving.

For some families, a mental health expert can simply provide extra support. Grieving parents and siblings often worry that friends and family members will get tired of hearing about their grief. With a counselor, they can be free to share without that concern. A mental health professional can offer a safe place to talk about feelings. They can provide resources to help parents and siblings cope more effectively. 

Sometimes family members may have symptoms of mental health disorders such as anxiety, depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Specific thoughts and feelings that should be discussed with a mental health professional include:

  • Thoughts of joining a child in death
  • Thoughts of hurting yourself or someone else
  • Feelings of worthlessness
  • Slow movements or extreme fatigue
  • Hearing or seeing things other people do not
  • Severe distress or anxiety
  • Sleep problems, nightmares
  • Trouble doing daily activities
  • Disbelief about the death
  • Avoiding reminders of the child
  • Resentment
  • Thinking life does not have purpose or meaning since losing the child
  • Feelings of detachment
  • Sudden, disturbing memories that feel as if you are reliving them

Get help right away if there are thoughts of harming self or others:

Key points about grief

  • Every person in a family grieves differently.
  • There is not one way, or even a “right” way, to grieve.
  • Resources are available to families dealing with grief after a child’s death.
  • Know when to ask for help for you or a member of your family during grief.

—
Reviewed: August 2024

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