How to Take Care of Yourself While Grieving

Grief can affect the mind, body, and spirit. It can make simple tasks feel overwhelming. Many families say that taking care of themselves during grief feels hard or even impossible at times. But taking small, gentle steps of self-care can help. 

How grief can affect your thoughts and feelings

Grief can affect how you think, remember, and focus. Some people say that they feel like they are in a “mental fog” in the early days and weeks. Others notice strong emotions, constantly changing emotions, or very few emotions at all. Both are common.  

Common symptoms include: 

• Trouble focusing or paying attention 
• Confusion 
• Inability to process facts and details 
• Forgetfulness and problems with memory 
• Depression 
• Emotions like sadness, anger, fear, guilt, emptiness, or loneliness 

Help for mental symptoms 

What helps can change from day to day. You may choose what feels right for you. Some families have shared that it can help to: 

• Use lists, calendars, or reminders to help you remember things. 
• Break tasks up into small steps to make it easier to focus. 
• Ask for help from friends and family. 
• Find a mental health provider in your area. 
• Let yourself feel your emotions and cry.  
• Talk about the person who died and use their name, if that feels right. Using their name and sharing memories can help you feel less alone.  

You may notice times when attention and reaction time are affected. If possible, give yourself extra care with activities like driving or making major decisions.

How grief can affect your body

Grief can affect your body. How your body feels can change from day to day. Common physical symptoms include: 

• Fatigue (feeling tired, weak, or worn out) 
• Sleeping too much or too little 
• Changes in appetite 
• Feeling sick or getting infections more easily 
• Muscle tension 
• Pain such as headaches and backaches 
• Lack of energy 

Help for physical symptoms 

Some families find it helpful to: 

• Eat balanced meals and drink plenty of water. 
• Avoid junk food. 
• Be physically active and spend time outside. 
• Limit alcohol. 
• Practice daily hygiene. 
• Get enough rest and sleep. 

You may not be able to do all of these things. Grief uses a lot of energy. 

It is OK to try one thing at a time. Start with what feels possible right now.  

Meaning, belief, and spiritual questions

After the death of a loved one, many people struggle with questions about meaning, fairness, faith, or purpose. Challenges may include: 

• Anger that a loved one was allowed to die 
• Questioning religious or spiritual beliefs 
• A search for meaning in the loss 
• Adjusting to life without the person who died 

Help for spiritual symptoms

Different families find meaning in different ways. You might choose to: 

• Seek religious or spiritual counsel from a spiritual leader or mentor  
• Write in a journal 
• Practice mindfulness through prayer, relaxation, meditation, music, or art 
• Read books on grief and healing 

There is no right way to make meaning. You may return to these questions many times over the years. 

More ideas some families share

When to seek help for grief

You do not have to grieve alone. Over time, some symptoms of grief may change. Support from other people can make this time less isolating. 

It can help to talk with a trusted family member or friend about the symptoms of grief and how to manage them. Your pediatrician, care team, and mental health professionals are also available to listen and provide resources.  

Talk therapy can be one way to help you carry your grief. It is not a sign that you are not coping, but a way to have support focused on what you are going through.  

Some who grieve may have symptoms of anxiety, depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Sometimes, extra support from a mental health professional can help keep you safe and supported. 

Reaching out for help may be important if you: 

• Feel overwhelmed most of the day for many weeks 
• Have trouble with sleeping or eating that does not get better 
• Struggle to do daily activities 
• Pull away from others for a long time 
• Feel hopeless or without purpose 
• Have strong guilt or blame 
• Have distressing memories that feel hard to control 
• Have severe distress or anxiety 

Seek help right away if you have thoughts of: 

• Self-harm, wishing to die, or making a plan to end life 
• Hurting yourself or someone else 

To get help in the United States: 

• Go to the nearest emergency room right away. 
• Call 911. Let the dispatcher know this is a mental health crisis.  
• Call the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988. 
• Visit the Crisis Text Line: Text HOME or HOLA to 741741 for free, 24/7 mental health support.  

To get help in other countries, use a list of: 

• International suicide hotlines from Open Counseling 
• Emergency contact numbers created by the U.S. State Department 

Questions to ask your care team

• What are healthy ways I can take care of myself while grieving? 
• What are signs that I am not coping well? 
• Who can I talk to if I feel overwhelmed? 
• How can I talk to my family and friends about my grief? 
• What resources are available to help? 

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