Helping Children with Grief

What is grief?

Grief is how people respond when someone they love dies. This might be a parent, brother or sister, cousin, friend, caregiver, or another loved person. Feelings of grief are natural emotional responses to loss.  

Grief looks different for each child. Some share their feelings. Others keep them inside. Both are common ways to grieve. 

Grief can change over time. It can come and go in waves. What helps most is having caring adults who listen, offer support, and stay focused on the child. 

How grief affects children

Grief can affect the body, thoughts, and emotions. Children may feel sad, mad, scared, or confused. Some feel guilt. Others feel numb.  

Each child deals with grief in their own way. How they deal with grief can change throughout the day. 

When children grieve, they may: 

• Cry or seem sad 
• Act out or break rules 
• Pull away or want to be alone 
• Have trouble sleeping 
• Have bad dreams 
• Eat more or less than usual 
• Have stomachaches, headaches, or other body pains 
• Show few or no feelings 
• Play or laugh as a way to take breaks 

Talking about death

Talking about death with children can feel hard. What a child understands depends on their age, development, and experiences. Their questions and needs will likely change over time. 

Children often take in information a little at a time. They may ask a question and then play. Taking breaks from grief is a common and healthy way to cope. 

To help children grieve:     

• Use clear, simple words like “died” instead of “passed away”  
• Explain that death means the body no longer works and cannot come back  
• Avoid phrases that may confuse them or cause fear  
• Share small amounts of information at a time 
• Check what they understand  
• Give space if they do not want to talk 
• Name feelings 
• Show that all feelings are OK 

Strategies to help children cope with grief 

Children feel safer when they know what to expect and who will care for them. Some children talk about their feelings. Others show feelings through action or play. 

Prepare the child for what will happen

• Explain events such as funerals or memorial services before they happen.  
• Talk about who will care for them and what they might see.  
• Reassure them that routines such as meals, school, and bedtime will stay as normal as possible. 

Help the child express feelings

• Encourage drawing, writing, or talking to a trusted adult.  
• Let them know that their feelings are normal. 
• Share your own feelings in healthy ways. Show them it is OK to feel sad, angry, or confused. 
• Help them with managing guilt. Reassure them that the death was not their fault. 
• Remind them that an adult will care for and protect them. 

Help the child understand death and loss

• Answer questions honestly. It is OK to say, “I don’t know.” 
• Explain what happens after death in ways that match your family’s beliefs.  
• Ask them what they think. Gently correct misunderstandings.  
• Use clear, simple words when talking about seeing their loved one again. 

Help the child remember and stay connected 

• Share stories and memories about how the person lived their life. 
• Invite them to share ways to remember their loved one. 
• Find special activities, objects, or rituals to honor their loved one. 

Support the child as they move forward 

• Tell them that grief can feel hard.  
• Reassure them they are not alone 
• Encourage them to ask questions. Wait until they are ready to talk. 
• Let them know that sharing their feelings in healthy ways can help them feel better. 

When to seek help for a grieving child

Grief looks different for every child. Changes in feelings and behavior are common after a death. Some children need extra support. 

You may want to seek help if a child: 

• Feels very sad, angry, or worried most of the day for many weeks 
• Has trouble sleeping or eating that does not improve 
• Pulls away from family, friends, or activities they once enjoyed 
• Shows ongoing behavior problems at home or school 
• Talks about feeling worthless 
• Blames themselves for the death 
• Has frequent headaches or stomachaches with no clear cause 
• Talks about wanting to die or be with the person who died 
• Acts much younger than their age for a long time 

Members of the care team who can help include: 

• A pediatrician or primary care provider 
• A school counselor, social worker, or child life specialist 
• A mental health provider who has experience supporting grieving children 

Find more information

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