My Sister Is Still My Sister: Building a Relationship During Cancer Treatment
Lucy (pictured on the right) has found that she can encourage and support her sister Alice (pictured on the left) in ways that only a sibling can.
My mom and dad had just picked me up from summer camp. I was ready to tell them about all that I had seen and done. I wanted to hear about what they had done while I was gone. I was not ready for what they had to say.
My sister, Alice, had been to the doctor. She had a tiny mole on her cheek that they were worried about. They did a biopsy of the mole and found it was melanoma, a type of skin cancer. I was so scared.
I remember that everything suddenly felt strange. I know that many kids are struggling and have cancer, but I never, never thought that it would happen to someone as close as my sibling. It did not seem real. It was terrifying.
Kids are smarter than a lot of adults know. I was only 8 years old, but I knew that everything was suddenly different. I did not know how much I would be able to help. I do now.
A medical diagnosis changes unexpected things
Lucy was just 8 years old when she learned her big sister, Alice, had cancer.
Sometimes my friends at school will say, "Oh, my little sister just gets on my nerves so much, and she is always messing with me or taking things from me."
And I think, "Oh, yeah. I guess people still think like that."
Because that is what it used to be like with me and my sister.
Before she was diagnosed with cancer, Alice and I were like most sisters. We got along, and we were close. But we would argue about some of the smaller things. We would fight about some of the bigger things. Those things mattered to us at the time.
But what matters changed after we learned she had cancer. We appreciate each other more now. We understand that time is sometimes fleeting. We have to spend time apart when she and 1 of my parents go out of town for treatment or doctor’s appointments.
Now it feels like, "Why are we having this argument?"
I do not want to spend our time together fighting. I want to spend it talking, laughing, and being grateful that I have my big sister.
"This experience builds a strong bond between you, turning your relationship into something deeper and more loving than before. It helps you connect in ways you never expected. And you might even learn that you are more loved, needed, and strong than you ever thought you were."
My sister is still my sister
Alice’s cancer diagnosis brought she and her little sister, Lucy, closer.
A cancer diagnosis does not change the fact that my sister is still my sister. As her sister, I can help with things others cannot help with.
Siblings of childhood cancer patients can help provide normalcy. While adults are saying, "Oh, poor baby. What can I do to help?", siblings can say, "Oh, whatever". It can be very damaging for a child with an illness to have everyone treating them as though they are fragile. It can be hard emotionally when people are not treating you the same way they treat everyone else.
Cancer is a part of who Alice is. But Alice is still Alice.
Siblings know each other really well. Alice and I are less nervous around each other than we are around other people. We are not afraid to say something to each other the way we might be with others. She needs and deserves to be talked to and treated like everyone else.
It is important to remember that, while it may seem like you are “just a kid” and there is nothing you can do to help your sibling, just being there for them means a lot. As Alice’s little sister, that is something I can do for her.
Caring for myself
Alice needs me to help her get through all of this, and that means I have to take care of myself, too. I want to be mindful of my mental and emotional health because seeing a sibling go through cancer can be hard.
Sometimes different things can bother me. Having a sibling who has cancer can be really stressful. I can quickly get wrapped up in my thoughts, jumping to a lot of bad conclusions.
"What if this happens?”
“What if that happens?"
Talking to an adult, a friend, a teacher, or even your sibling can help not just to sort through these thoughts but also to provide clarity.
A cancer diagnosis will change your relationship with your sibling. At first, it can be hard to understand what is happening, but you can still be a source of strength. During these challenges, you can grow closer and learn more about each other.
This experience builds a strong bond between you, turning your relationship into something deeper and more loving than before. It helps you connect in ways you never expected. And you might even learn that you are more loved, needed, and strong than you ever thought you were.
