My Cancer Survivor Story: Cancer Has Helped Me Cherish Each Day
Grace Hilton (at left) and Kylee Googe pause for a photo before attending Kylee’s school prom. The best friends celebrated many special moments together.
I met my best friend, Kylee, on my first day at the hospital. She looked like she was physically there but mentally was somewhere else. She had that “deer in the headlights” look.
So, I wheeled myself over and introduced myself. We’ve been best friends ever since.
I’ve learned that your mental health affects your physical health.
Kylee had gotten really depressed. Even though she should have gotten better, she was getting worse because she was so depressed. She didn’t really care. It was hard because she didn’t want any support and wanted to deal with things by herself.
My best friend needed someone to tell her that everything was going to be OK. When you first get to the hospital, everything is thrown at you at once. It’s scary. Anybody would be off their rocker, you know?
Grace Hilton’s dog, Peanut, visited her in the hospital during treatment.
Celebrate the small things
Kylee was in the hospital a lot. I would visit, and we would hang out. Any time we hit a milestone, we would make stuffed animals for each other. We made 3 or 4.
Our first one was for being diagnosed. We wanted to celebrate the fact that we got our diagnosis, and we were still here. Another one was finishing radiation. Then I think she finished one of her chemos, and one of my tumors had shrunk. So, we celebrated that. We celebrated so we could find the light at the end of the tunnel. Because if you can’t learn to find the light, then you’re just going to keep getting worse. That’s how I learned to look on the brighter side rather than dwell on the dark.
Every chance we could, we would hang out, get lunch or dinner, or make our stuffed bears. We were trying to remember that we were 17 and not just cancer patients. I feel like a lot of people forget that we’re still human. We’re not just pincushions. When you become a cancer patient, it changes your life completely: the way you live life, the way you live day to day. We wanted to remember we were still able to do things and were not just stuck at the hospital all the time.
When I first found out I had cancer, I thought my life was over. I thought about being 16 years old and that my childhood would be taken away. I wouldn’t be able to play softball or go to school dances. But my doctor was amazing, and she made all that possible. She has cared more about my quality of life than how many years I have left. We got my pain under control, and I was still able to go to the football games and play softball. I was still able to be a kid.
Cancer patients don’t want special treatment
After my diagnosis and still today, a lot of people treat me like I’m going to break if they say the wrong thing or if they give me a hug and touch my arm. I wish people knew that we weren’t these little glass figurines. We still want to be treated like other kids, we want to be treated the same. We might have cancer, and we might be sick, but we aren’t breakable. We aren’t going to die if you touch us the wrong way or say the wrong thing.
When people hear you have cancer, their automatic response is, “Oh no,” or “I’m so sorry.” And, yes, cancer is bad, but your journey isn’t. It’s almost like they are apologizing for me becoming who I am. Because I would not be the same person I am today without everything I’ve gone through. It’s made me stronger and more compassionate. And so, I’m grateful for it.
I hate the fact that I had cancer, but it’s made me into a better person. And that’s how it feels for me. It might not feel this way for everybody else but saying “I’m sorry” is almost negating my journey. It’s like, “I’m so sorry that you have cancer, and I’m sorry for you becoming this amazing person.” And I know that’s not what they intend, but for some of us, that’s how it feels. Without this, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I wouldn’t have learned the lessons that I have.
Cancer has made me more grateful. I cherish every day more than I did before I was diagnosed. I used to complain a lot, and I still do, but I used to complain about the dumbest things. Now, I try to look at the bright side and find the good in everything.
Editor's note
Kylee died in 2024. Grace’s narrative was written before Kylee’s death. As a final milestone memory, Grace made 2 stuffed monkeys – one for herself and one for Kylee. The monkeys wore superhero costumes and held game controllers. Kylee was Grace’s superhero and an enthusiastic video game player.
This blog post is part of a series written by patients enrolled in the ChronCan (Chronicling Cancer) study. The study aims to understand the impact of creative writing on childhood cancer patients.
